I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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