my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
