2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
