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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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