I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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