If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize