Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
