I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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