Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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