I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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