Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
