I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
