i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
