I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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