I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so let's talk penis.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
