I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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