Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
