Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
