I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
