Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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