i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
