she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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