Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
