I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize