I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
