Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
