You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
