I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
