if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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