I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
