Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
two words...techno handjob
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
