Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
