Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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