My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize