ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
