That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
