Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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