Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
