I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We need to get me chipped asap
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
