This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize