I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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