You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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