that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
