i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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