He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
