I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
