My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
