she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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