wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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