Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
