kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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