Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
