I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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