You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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