so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
