woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
