yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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