I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
