So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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