I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
