I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
