your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I understand Curling. That high.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
