Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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