So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
