I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
did you just send me my own nude
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
