She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
