We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
