i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Vodka?
Forever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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