Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
