A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
