When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
