My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
