3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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