Cold hands, warm shart.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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