Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
